Motherhood can be lonely but it doesn’t have to be. When you find people who are willing to share and bring you into their struggles and successes, we all feel a little less lonely.
Meet Kasey, she shared her beautiful story with me and I couldn’t be more grateful.
Tell me about yourself
I am an Arizona native, Taurus, Enneagram 2, Esthetician of 16 years, Cold Brew addict, and Mother of 3 girls, two here Earthside and one in Heaven.
What are some of your interests outside of work?
When we moved to Oregon from Arizona, the house we bought formally belonged to a herbalist, she had a beautiful garden. I have tried to maintain the garden while learning about different plants and herbs. Most have made it through the 2 years we have been here, and we have added a few of our own too 🙂 I also enjoy yoga and barre, and have recently picked up running to release energy and get outside more. We go camping in our travel trailer and have loved exploring the Pacific Northwest. It is just so different from where I grew up and I love that!
How do you feel motherhood has changed you and the way people see you?
I think my journey to motherhood has been so completely different than what I ever would have imagined. After suffering two miscarriages and losing our first daughter at birth unexpectedly, I think for a long time motherhood seemed like something I wasn’t sure I was ever going to experience. Losing a child changes your whole life. It was also tough because people who didn’t know me or our story would ask “So when are you going to have kids?” I think it’s a question I look at very differently now. You never really know what someone is going through and becoming a mother isn’t always an easy journey. Trying again was very challenging for me emotionally. I yearned so much to have a baby in my arms and I had to be brave, hopeful and face my fear of “what ifs.” I felt like the innocence and joy was no longer there of “trying” for a family. We eventually decided to go through fertility treatments and had a successful IVF transfer, we were blessed with identical twin girls! That was another shock! Our first ultrasound showed one heartbeat, and I was so thankful for that. Our second ultrasound had two heartbeats, and I was at a loss for words! Sometimes I wonder if our first little girl had something to do with that 🙂 Going through loss, heartbreak and the road to motherhood has really made me appreciate and never take my girls for granted. I feel like I am more patient, and it has made me slow down and enjoy the “little things” more, since I know too well what it feels like to have empty arms. As far as how people “see” me, I’d say there are two very different views. Those who know us and our story have said “you’re so brave… so strong.” People who just see us in the grocery store always say “Twins!? Wow, you have your hands full!” And to that I smile… Yes, my hands are full, and I am so grateful.
Do you feel supported as a working mother? What would make things more manageable?
I do feel mostly supported as a working mother. I did stay home for the twins’ first year, which was very weird for me to not be working. I got my first job at 14 and have worked ever since. I feel like I sort of lost my identity for a little bit. Once I started working again, I felt like I was human again, and not “just a mom.” (although being a mom is some of the hardest work I have ever done!) I think there are many things that would be helpful to working moms, knowing that we carry so much emotional labor as well. Every family dynamic is so different, but longer maternity leaves, pump breaks, making enough money to offset childcare costs would make things more manageable.
Tell me about your relationships with other women in your life. Do you think women support each other enough? How can we create more community?
I am so blessed to have many great women in my life. I am still very close with my childhood best friend. I have a great group of women who we all started our careers together and went through some very big life changes together. I also have my co-workers who are women and although we are diverse, we are huge supports of each other as we all know what its like to be women entrepreneurs. I feel lucky to know that at any moment I could pick up the phone and call one of them. Most are moms as well, and I can tell them if I’m having a hard day, feeling mom guilt, or just need to vent. I hope other women have that too. I try not to compare myself to other moms on social media because I know most don’t share the “behind the scenes” behind that perfect family photo. I think we can create more community by being less judgmental and giving people more grace. Being a parent is hard, and every family is different. I think keeping your kids healthy and safe are two very important things. Maybe a kids socks don’t match, or they’re running a little late… who cares… You never know if they were up all night the night before with a sick kid. I think making other mom friends can be a little awkward but I’ve managed to meet a few at the park or at the girls’ dance classes. It’s nice to have other mom friends, so that your kids can play while you enjoy a hot cup of coffee together.
Do you have a any parenting hacks or advice to share with other working parents?
Picking out clothes the night before, having a backup plan if the babysitter can’t make it, and make sure you make time for yourself, too.
What would you like your children to know about your motherhood journey?
I want our first daughter to know she is always remembered and will always be a part of our family. I want the twins to know how much they were prayed for and what little miracles they are. They have brought joy back into our lives and I am so thankful for that.
Anything else you would like to add?
Thank you for letting me share my story. I think Motherhood is a beautiful thing that looks different for everyone. Moms carry enough guilt already, lets just support each other and just offer a smile when you see another mom with a toddler having a tantrum in the store. We’ve all been there.